Another day.
Another time.
But here I am, looked at the great sky above just to wondering how many times passed by.
I still reminisced the time. It’s my third year of high school and you’re a freshman, the day when we first met, the day when you passed me over the corridor at our school. The first thing that I noticed about you was your smile as you walked happily to your friends and said hi to them. It will spark and lit your bright brown eyes. You have a tall figure but lightly stepped at the ground, and your shoulder moved in the perfect rhythm with the balance of your body. I barely know you but I can’t take my eyes of you. As I watched you laughed, I thought would be really nice to be able to shared every laugh with you. It’s the first time that I wanted to know someone so badly.
The next day, when I saw you walked forward to the school gate, I can’t stand just being watched you slowly gone. And then when I realize, I ran after you. I grabbed your hand to stop you leaving. Your eyes grew wider from surprised as you gave me an unspeakable question.
‘Hi.. I’m Kim Jae Joong.’
You stared at me suspiciously, and I continued. ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to act rude, but I just wanted to know you.’
You stayed still, and I couldn’t stop thinking that I’ve ruined everything. As I started being nervous and wanted to mumble the apology once again, you broke the awkward situation and changed your expression with a smile instead the frowned. ‘Hi. Shim Changmin. Nice to meet you.’
At the time I was mesmerized by the way you smiled at me and the words seems caught inside my throat. I just didn’t know what to say anymore. We ended up stared to each other, standing still in front of the gate.
As time goes by, we started to know each other. We hang out together, studied and ate lunch together. I became your best friend, and you became mine. Slowly I noticed that you were very warmhearted, gentle, kind, caring so much about your family and your friends. You were smart, bright, but funny at the same time. You are not very handsome, but you’re beautiful on your own way.
You seemed can do everything, but one thing that you completely failed at was how to express yourself. You never mad nor ever cry just once, at least in front of me. You looked tough, but I always knew that you never be that strong, because I could see the spark died in your eyes at the times when you’re sad. I always wanted to comfort you, but you always said that you’re okay. You will get over it and moved on.
It was really hard for me to read your mind, but you could easily read mine. You’re so much understanding and patient. When I was frustrated and didn’t want anyone to distract me, you always there. You sat next to me, but didn’t say anything. Without question, without hard effort for making me open up my self to you just like the other friends of mine did. When I got angry and brought the anger as all it was your fault, you didn’t complain. You just took it and nodded full of understanding. When we fought, you are always taking the silent one. You never defended yourself. You never return every word I said even if the word hurts you badly. Every time I say my apology you just nodded, smiling, and said it was okay since it was your fault too, and we would make up at the same time.
For all those reasons, I’ve fallen in love with you. But you never noticed. I also didn’t know actually you felt about me. And I’m too afraid to tell you, feared to ask and too scared that you will walk away from me. I accepted everything between us the way we always were. I’m happy because you also happy with everything we had. So I didn’t see the need to tell you all about my feeling.
Our friendship continued as we began to step forward in the life of university. I’m not surprised that you took the same major with me, because we have the same interest in music. We promised each other to make music that will never forgotten by everyone who heard it. You will take the piano and I will be the violin. It felt right. And everything seemed to be perfect, until the day.
We were in the concert hall of our university music’s department. You were taken your seat at the piano and played some familiar song. I stated to only watch you playing the piano. In mere minutes of the second song, you stopped playing, even if the song wasn’t finished yet. Your expression changed, sad and desperate.
‘Changmin, what’s wrong?’ I asked in worried.
You sighed and close your eyes. Tried your best to be cheerful but failed miserably. You tried to catch your breath as you tried to speak.
‘Jae-hyung.. There’s something I’ve hidden from you since the first time we became friends. I’ve been lying to you all the time.’
‘What do you mean by that?’
‘I.. I had a brain tumor. It’s stated to be in the last stage now.’
When you said that, my head started to spin. I can’t believe it. I ensured myself for being heard the wrong sentence, but no. I’m not mistaken. You did saying that you had brain tumor. But why? You always looked healthy and cheerful. Not ever once I’ve seen you whined about you being unhealthy. The tears streaming down to your cheek as you cried. You screamed out your fear you had inside. And I felt numb, because this is the first time I saw you crying. And then I said nothing instead I took your hand and pulled your body into a tight hug. I embraced you at my chest as you cried all out. For hours we just sat next to each other there in the corner of the concert hall. You were tired and slowly drifted to sleep. As I watched you’re breathing slowly, I wiped away the line of tears at your cheeks. And then I sighed, silent tears also streaming down my face. I really didn’t understand, off all people, why Changmin? What have you done that you had to be punished like this?
A couple weeks later, you’ve been taken to the hospital. The doctor said that they have to look after you intensively. You have to take the laser twice a week to prevent the tumor bigger and spread all over your brain. The process always made you suffered. You became losing your appetite, and always had the needed to vomit. I visited you every day just to cheer you up and told you many stories, about class I attended, about music or about our dream together. You heard all of stories and also laughed at my joke all the time. You always tried to smile as much as you can, but the outcome just a weak smile that never reach your brown eyes. I spent almost my day with you at the hospital, and sometimes I took you out off your room to feel the air of the warm springs season, and we would sat there, never felt enough chat until the sun went down without even realized it.
But each day I saw you at the hospital room, you were getting paler, skinnier because you’re loosing your weight and your eyes didn’t shine like it always do. I almost like I’m dying to see you like that. Oh God, how am I supposed watching the people I love the most suffering too much pain like this? All I could do just cheer you up and tried hardest not to show any sadness, so that you will always relieved. I knew you didn’t like me worried too much about you. So I didn’t show you any of it, even though I really worried sick about you and you’ve taken my breath away each time I heard something bad happened to you. At least I’m trying to be strong for your sake.
Four months since you’ve been hospitalized, that day my violin tutor said that I’m ready for a concert held on next week. I really excited, and I can’t wait any longer to tell you. I wanted you to be the first one to know. Once I rushed into your room and told you about that, you’re very surprised but excited at the same time. I can see in your eyes that you honestly happy for me. You congratulated me and I hug you, because I’m happy since it was my first time to be in a concert.
‘I’m so happy for you, Jae..’ You said between the hug I gave you.
I nodded and you continued as we pulled apart, ‘It means that you were one step closer to your dream.’
I agreed with enthusiasm. ‘I wonder if you could come to see my performance. Can you?’
Suddenly you became quiet and drifted your eyes to the floor under your room. ‘If only I could.. You know the doctor won’t let me, Jae.’ You stated almost whispering. I sat next to you on your bed, and I smiled at you. ‘Don’t worry, even if you couldn’t see me at the concert, I will play the song for you before I perform at the concert.’ I assured you, and you put your eyes back at me. Your eyes lighten a bit.
‘You promise?’
‘I promise.’
I’ve been busy preparing everything for the concert. The tutor made me practiced my violin almost everyday after classes, and I can’t complain about it. When I couldn’t visit you, I always called you on your phone just to say hi or asked about your condition. On the situation, you always said that you’re okay. I didn’t have to worry about you, and you said that I had to full concentrate at my concert. I promised you that in the morning before the concert began I will come to you and fulfilled my promise to play the song for you first.
That morning, I came to you with the violin case I held in my hand only to see you sleeping soundlessly on your bed since it’s 6.30 in the morning. The concert will begin at 9. I waked you up and you groaned lazily as you opened your eyes.
‘Jae?’
‘Hey you sleeping boy, wake up! It’s time for Mr. Kim Jaejoong’s private concert attended by Mr. Shim Changmin.’
You slowly raised your body and took the sitting position. You wiped your sleepy eyes and a small laugh appeared at your full lips. You looked at me and studied my appearance.
‘You look great.’ You complimented me and my face turned to be blushed a little. You laughed at me looked to the exchanged of my expression. I felt to shut you up. I told you that, but it only made you laughed even harder.
And then I noticed something on your face it’s getting paler even more than usual.
‘Minnie?’
‘Hmm?’
‘Are you okay? You looked really pale and weak.’
‘Nah.. I’m okay. Just a bit exhausted. Are you gonna play for me or not? I don’t want to be the reason of you getting late to the concert.’
‘Okay okay.. Listen to me, okay.’ As you nodded in excitement, I took of my violin from the case and started to play the song. The sound of the violin seeps through our little world, slowly but sure. I saw you closed your eyes enjoying the rhythm and every sound it produced. I smiled and put whole of my heart to play the violin for the one I love. With this, I hoped that you will realize everything I felt for you. I hoped you will know that you will always be the special one to my heart.
When the last note of the song filled the air, I opened up my eyes and saw you smiled once again but this time with tears over your face. I dropped down the violin to reach you at my arms as I held you close.
‘Jae, it’s really beautiful. I wished I could come to see you perform at the stage, but I’m sorry..’
‘Sshh there’s nothing to be sorry. You’ve heard my song, and it’s more than enough. All you have to do now is taking good care of yourself and wait for me to come back. As soon as I finish the concert, I will come straight to you and I’ll buy you a large bouquet of flowers.’
You patted my arms as you pulled back, a small pout placed on your face. ‘I’ve told you I’m not a girl.’ And then I laughed at you. I looked at my watch. “God, it’s already 7.30 . I have to be there in half an hour. I guessed I have to go now.’ I stood up, put the violin back and waved my goodbye to you.
‘Good luck, Jae. Play well.’ You said to me with a firm smile and I waved at you.
‘Off course. See you later, Minnie.’ You nodded and I fled away.
At that time, I never thought that it would be the last word you said to me. I never felt that it would be our last meeting. I’m not even realized it until a couple minutes before I performed at the stage.
‘Mr. Kim Jaejoong there’s a phone call said that it’s an important thing.’ I heard the staff said to me as I waited my turn nervously. I nodded and she leads me to the phone. I wondered who it is, made a phone call a couple minutes before I perform. “Yes, Kim Jaejoong here.’ I answered the phone.
‘Jaejoong-ah. This is Mrs. Shim.’ Changmin’s mother. Her voice looked really broken at the time. I’m panicking and mumbling the question in a rush. “A..Is anything happen to Changmin, auntie? Is he alright??’
A brief silent appeared at the line before she started to speak again. ‘He’s fine.. At least, he’s at peace now.’
Silent. ‘W-what? What do you mean by that?’
‘Yes, Jaejoong-ah, he’s gone.. Forever.’
I remembered the time I dropped the phone as soon as the words seeping through my head and made the way slowly through my brain. I can’t believe that you’ve gone. My world seems not right, crumbled, and shattered in a million pieces. My body felt numb, and I’m cold. Everything’s getting darker and darker. I even didn’t remember when the staff said that it was my turn to perform. I didn’t realize when I stepped up to the stage, only stood up and didn’t make any single movement. I’m paralyzed as my eyes started watery and soon blurred my visions with the tears streaming down to my face. I didn’t care when the audience murmured their confusion because I cried instead playing the violin I’ve held tight in my hand. And then the realization hit me hard, as I remembered your words.
‘Good luck, Jae. Play well.’
Right, I’ve promise you.
I lifted up the violin to my shoulder and began to play. The room’s suddenly silent when the audience hearing the sound of my music carefully. Even if the tears refused to stop fill my eyes, I stayed still. I played with all my heart behalf on you, wished that you could hear me up there. When everything’s over, applauses were everywhere. They even wanted me to play another song, but I couldn’t just stand it. So I ran away.
The next day I came to your funeral, I prevented my self from fainted, but I regained the strength to look at you for the last time. And I did it. I saw you there, sleeping soundlessly at peace. Your brown eyes no longer open, but I could still imagined the firmed and warmth when they were looking on me. Your full lips no longer parted, but I could still imagine the pout, the smile, and the laughter you’ve made when you were with me. My lips trembled when I kiss you at your forehead for the last time. I tried to memorize every moment with you, and treasured every seconds I’ve spent with you.
After the ceremony, your mother gave me the white paper full of your handwriting. She told me that you wrote the letter for me. I didn’t open it at the time, but I went to our school, to the place where we always ate our lunch together. I began to read.
‘Dear Jaejoong..’
‘I think it’s weird to write a letter just for you.’ I smiled at your writing. ‘’But here I am, wrote you a piece of mind.’
‘Jae.. I can feel it. I can feel that my life came closer and closer to the end. But I’m not afraid and I didn’t have any regret for that.’
‘Jae, you always told me that we have to be positive. We can not give up till the very end no matter what. We had our dream together, but I’m really sorry. It seems that you must go on just by yourself. I tried to be strong and always fight, but I think I couldn’t anymore. I’m too tired to continue any of this. But I’m not giving up. I just realize that I could only try my best to reach this limit.’
‘Hey hyung, thank you very much for all of you’ve done for me. You always protected me, always be there just for me. I can’t get enough to thanking you for all the time you’ve spent with me. You were the most important person I’ve ever had in my life. You were my hyung, and you were my best friend, forever.’
‘I’m sorry I don’t’ say my goodbye properly, I didn’t want to though. It’s not goodbye anyway, because I will always stay by your side. I will always be watching you wherever you are. So please don’t ever dare to say that, you understand, hyung?’
‘Oh.. I forgot there’s another thing I’ve been hidden from you. I Love you, hyung. I love you all the time, and I will always love you.’
‘Your Minnie.’
**
It’s been a years since the day I read your letter Minnie. Tomorrow I’ll graduate from the university. As you have told me, I’m moved on with my life. I’m not giving up for the dreams we had together. I never forget you even a minute. I’ll remember that you will stay by my side and it gives me the strength to carry on. Believe me I will fulfill the dreams we had. Please watch me Shim Changmin.
Oh I forget to say—no no no, it’s not goodbye. You’ve told me not to say it right.
I want to tell you, I love you too.
End
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A.N
One shot dari michi.. ^^v
kali ini tokohnya dari DBSK, Hero and Max.. Ini fic bikinnya sehari semalam, and ini pertama kalinya michi nulis fic dalam bahasa inggris..
maapin kalo ada kesalahan penulisan.. Maklum masih belajar.. hehehe..
Mudah2an kalian suka sama cerita yg satu ini.
comment selalu diterima dengan senang hati. 